sunday, Feb 6th, 2012
11:08 PM, my room.
havent finished anything yet for tomorrow deadline. what is so wrong with me? am i too busy? no. am i too lazy? no. or am i too silly to put my study on the second place after my mood? go insane!
i hate my self, honestly. i mean, i hate when i find my self can't deal with surroundings. hospital, family, friend, patient, study, and love life. the last one is i hate the most, recently.
i am 22 right now. i got my first crush about ten years ago. TEN YEARS AGO. time does fly. at that time, i was praying to get married ten years later, which is NOW, when i feel mature enough to have someone to depend on. someone to share his life, with me and our kids :')
forget about that thoughts. the reality is coming. the real reality. hey, my heart, what is so wrong with you? is there anything that i can help you? please, i need you to make my 10-year-ago-dream comes true. that's it. why you always make me look so cold? so ignorance? and so hard like a stone? i need you, my heart. please, be nice to everyone. i can't live alone. i can't solve my problem just by my self, alone. i need to hear somebody's opinion.
dear my heart, please by now don't listen to your ego too much. there's a soul suffering inside. and you actually know who it is.
